Wellington benefits may be put on the back burner & while not by me, I'm not bothered. My 'benefactor' is possibly moving into a more permanent relationship type, if this had happened last year I would have stomped my foot & pouted like a 4year old, but due to the OB, I'm ok.

I'm getting a lot of internet attention & I know i am an attention whore, so am currently thrown between loving this situation & being incredibly frustrated. Perhaps it is merely a case of wanting something I cant have.

Last night I hauled out my old high school diary, I wanted to know what happened to us & realised that I have always been an attention seeking whore, but back then had more opportunity for the whore side of things... I was a little disappointed in myself, but am glad to have matured & while I that girl hasn't been left completely behind, I have better values & more confidence to stick to them.
SO actually calculation is that OB will always be my 2nd. I like that :) He was "sooooo responsible" & while trying to convince me to go out with him, he used to walk me home from work - did I live in a movie??
I still have no idea how we broke up finally, i think this is due to him giving me a diary for Xmas, & I probably used that to record events rather than the diary I kept... I might have a look for it though, just in case. in the meantime 1992 is missing. I have some recollections of crying on him when I broke up with another guy... but that would have happened in September/October & I also remember inviting him to a party I had in 1993 in Jan/Feb.

In the real world/time zone however, we have been chatting, skyping & texting. it is delightful & easy & safe. While sometimes we talk as if we are together (I don't really know what we are, but that's a common thing for me) I have clarified that I am allowed my benefits.

And tonight - I Party!