Wellington benefits may be put on the back burner & while not by me, I'm not bothered. My 'benefactor' is possibly moving into a more permanent relationship type, if this had happened last year I would have stomped my foot & pouted like a 4year old, but due to the OB, I'm ok.
I'm getting a lot of internet attention & I know i am an attention whore, so am currently thrown between loving this situation & being incredibly frustrated. Perhaps it is merely a case of wanting something I cant have.
Last night I hauled out my old high school diary, I wanted to know what happened to us & realised that I have always been an attention seeking whore, but back then had more opportunity for the whore side of things... I was a little disappointed in myself, but am glad to have matured & while I that girl hasn't been left completely behind, I have better values & more confidence to stick to them.
SO actually calculation is that OB will always be my 2nd. I like that :) He was "sooooo responsible" & while trying to convince me to go out with him, he used to walk me home from work - did I live in a movie??
I still have no idea how we broke up finally, i think this is due to him giving me a diary for Xmas, & I probably used that to record events rather than the diary I kept... I might have a look for it though, just in case. in the meantime 1992 is missing. I have some recollections of crying on him when I broke up with another guy... but that would have happened in September/October & I also remember inviting him to a party I had in 1993 in Jan/Feb.
In the real world/time zone however, we have been chatting, skyping & texting. it is delightful & easy & safe. While sometimes we talk as if we are together (I don't really know what we are, but that's a common thing for me) I have clarified that I am allowed my benefits.
And tonight - I Party!
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Saturday, 14 January 2012
This might be a bit of an essay
hmmm, ok, so if you have stumbled upon this blog & been confused over lack of posts, mostly it was due to having other things to do & forgetting the password. man I hate passwords - kind of.
update - still single, technically. Still on the chubby side, but after the last idea failed, I'm into the accepting mode, that I like food, I like putting it into my mouth & eating it &can't be bothered changing that or anything else at this stage to remedy the padding.
This year I need more balance in my life, which means I need more of a social life. trickiness. At the moment my girl in with her Dad's parents and the Richard Cranium has returned from Australia & is now residing in the other island, which is good for her... but we'll see.
I am currently on holiday - for 2 more days (including today) & have been for nearly a month - a wonderful month!! Firstly we drove south before Xmas where my family live & I caught up with many old friends & family. basically while there I had a brief fling with an old boyfriend - fantastic! As well as getting a lot of relaxing done.
Of course I still have my benefits here, which for the record are also Fantastic. let me just put that in, mostly as I'm not sure who reads this & there is stuff there I don't want to post about today.
Let me instead give you a run down on Old Boyfriend (OB) actually he is mentioned here. we met when I was 15 & he is 3 years older. We dated... we actually dated - which in NZ is a rarity. He took me out to a meal, he gave me a driving lesson, in his newly acquired car - electric blue it was. He treated me well & I played with him. We had a lot of fun over the next 2 or 3 years, on & off.
Once I left home for Uni, he invited me to his 21st, we all got wonderfully drunk & I went back to uni blissfully unaware of his intentions. Several years later, when I was 24 & had recently left a 4 year relationship (with a really nice guy) because I was bored & not 'in love', OB & I caught up again. I remember one night we got drunk on some home brew bourbon & stayed over, I had work the next morning at 7:30am & he supplied with a satin pillowcase - so I didn't have to mess up my hair :) Then a few days later we meet for coffee & he starts to try to have a serious conversation with me... I knock him back stating I didn't want anything serious & was trying to sort some stuff out.
7 months later I got married. For the last few years I've felt bad about treating him that way, although I still think it was the right thing to do.
But it was awesome to catch up with him, let him know I felt bad about being such a flippant tease. Thanks to FB we are still in touch & the other night, he asked me to Marry him! hahaha - through FB messaging, while I turned him down - or rather suggested that next time he propose properly with jewelry, it is interesting to think about it. Of course given that he is a 3 hour boat ride & then 7 hour car drive away, it is easy to think about it, romanticize about the idea of marrying a childhood sweetheart after taking 20 years to sort your shit out. but then I know I have never spent enough time with him in one go to ensure I wouldn't get bored or find him annoying.
But then again, the idea of having a long distance marriage is kind of appealing... so long as I could continue to have my Wellington Benefits.
update - still single, technically. Still on the chubby side, but after the last idea failed, I'm into the accepting mode, that I like food, I like putting it into my mouth & eating it &can't be bothered changing that or anything else at this stage to remedy the padding.
This year I need more balance in my life, which means I need more of a social life. trickiness. At the moment my girl in with her Dad's parents and the Richard Cranium has returned from Australia & is now residing in the other island, which is good for her... but we'll see.
I am currently on holiday - for 2 more days (including today) & have been for nearly a month - a wonderful month!! Firstly we drove south before Xmas where my family live & I caught up with many old friends & family. basically while there I had a brief fling with an old boyfriend - fantastic! As well as getting a lot of relaxing done.
Of course I still have my benefits here, which for the record are also Fantastic. let me just put that in, mostly as I'm not sure who reads this & there is stuff there I don't want to post about today.
Let me instead give you a run down on Old Boyfriend (OB) actually he is mentioned here. we met when I was 15 & he is 3 years older. We dated... we actually dated - which in NZ is a rarity. He took me out to a meal, he gave me a driving lesson, in his newly acquired car - electric blue it was. He treated me well & I played with him. We had a lot of fun over the next 2 or 3 years, on & off.
Once I left home for Uni, he invited me to his 21st, we all got wonderfully drunk & I went back to uni blissfully unaware of his intentions. Several years later, when I was 24 & had recently left a 4 year relationship (with a really nice guy) because I was bored & not 'in love', OB & I caught up again. I remember one night we got drunk on some home brew bourbon & stayed over, I had work the next morning at 7:30am & he supplied with a satin pillowcase - so I didn't have to mess up my hair :) Then a few days later we meet for coffee & he starts to try to have a serious conversation with me... I knock him back stating I didn't want anything serious & was trying to sort some stuff out.
7 months later I got married. For the last few years I've felt bad about treating him that way, although I still think it was the right thing to do.
But it was awesome to catch up with him, let him know I felt bad about being such a flippant tease. Thanks to FB we are still in touch & the other night, he asked me to Marry him! hahaha - through FB messaging, while I turned him down - or rather suggested that next time he propose properly with jewelry, it is interesting to think about it. Of course given that he is a 3 hour boat ride & then 7 hour car drive away, it is easy to think about it, romanticize about the idea of marrying a childhood sweetheart after taking 20 years to sort your shit out. but then I know I have never spent enough time with him in one go to ensure I wouldn't get bored or find him annoying.
But then again, the idea of having a long distance marriage is kind of appealing... so long as I could continue to have my Wellington Benefits.
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