A little Breakfast please

People who know me in RL, know that this century my relationships have been shockers! To sum up: I married a boy who will never grow up - and whose one redeeming feature is that he does take on more fathering responsibilities than other people give him credit for.
Then I took in a homeless boy, who once again will never grow up, at a time when I didn't want, need or was even ready for any form of relationship. Basically I have spent at least half of this century in a pretty messed up emotional state.
On the other hand, I took the last 3 years to myself, and mostly made myself unavailable to guys for a permanent basis, I think I now have my head straight, and am a hell of a lot happier in my own skin. So the time is right, for me.

Being in a healthier place, and starting what seems like a healthy relationship, I am amazed at how screwed up my head was and how much better I am now.

Currently I am happy, just seeing how things go, not rushing anything. Before I used to rush in, try to let him know as much about me as possible so then he could find something that he didn't like & leave. I'm just realising how much of a complex I used to have about men leaving me I had. I've known about this for many years & how it came about, but I now think that with my recent friendships with guys this may have helped me get over it - enough not to rush things anyway.
We're not trying to invade each others company all the time. During the week, there will be occasional text, and we see each other on Saturday nights. I would like at some point for him to meet Samantha, and it would be nice to have him over occasionally during the week - however my motives behind these thoughts are primarily heat based. Yes, the bed is warmer with 2 people in it. I have met 2 of his closest friends - we all met at the same party, and he has met several groups of my friends - although this is not by design, more events came up recently spread over several friend groups.

One of the more PC things I am enjoying about "seeing" Mac, is that he can take my slightly kwirky ideas and really run with them, encouraging me to take it to the next level as well. Delving in to the practical side, while remaining supportive & creative. I used to really enjoy these types of conversations with some friends in Chch, and have missed them terribly. These conversations are ones that just come up naturally through things around... we don't need to go looking for them :)

There are some things I'd like to mention to him, but nothing of any great importance, and nothing that can't wait for it's own time to come up.

MacGyver may have been located

I brought the gum... but haven't yet used it.

Here I can be a little silly, a little gooey - so be prepared to see a side of me that you wont get o very often, in the hopes that if I spill my guts here, I can remain in some form of control in RL.

What I like about this Mac (& I can use "Mac" cause he is a "Mc" and that's pretty close):

• he has a circular saw and many other tools
• He has chest hair - a little like a YOUNG Magnum PI (sigh)
• He has an intelligent and inventive mind (I'm a knowledge whore)
• He can cook
• He's good in bed
• He doesn't cuddle and make me all sweaty
• He gives me space
• He gives good massages - including my head
• He dresses well
• He has a good job and ambitions for the future
• He wants to buy a house - this year
• He doesn't smoke
• He has friends who seem normal

All this goodness - part of me wants to end it all now, before I get too emotionally invested as it could never work out, i'm crap at relationships - fortunately this is a very small part that can be quashed reasonably easily.

i think the worst thing about him so far, is his name - the same as my father's. made telling Mum really awkward, nice that she said it wasn't his fault though :)

of course a large part of me is clinging to the fact we are "just seeing each other" at the moment - no commitment, although every saturday for the past several weeks we have made plans together & we will be getting together this Sat too. There is a party coming up in August which we have both been invited to, it may be our first event we attend as a "couple" uh oh... so scary!!

It's not really the commitment thing I fear, it's the fear of fucking it up, being labeled and having to live up to that label - what does being a couple mean? what are the rules or expectations??

freak out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!