Did i Ever claim to have rationality?

maybe i did, I often say I am a fairly logical person, organised yet also flighty. Rational though? I try to rationalise things - this way if i understand them, my theory is I can change them (if I wanted to)

yes, at times my ex just PISSES me off. I dont know how, or why and i dont actually care to think too hard about it.
This last week has been mostly ok. It now, however is becoming obvious he was on his best behaviour, which in my view is simply how people behave when they live in a flatting situation. And actually in some areas lacking in the 'guest' behaviour.

Good points - let start with the positive.

• He's doing the cooking
• looking after our daughter all day this week until school starts next tuesday
• Did get my washing in when it rained, and did put out washing the next day when sunny
• Food is healthy.
• He mowed half the lawn - the tough half after I did the easy half
  

Negative:

• I am doing all the dishes
• If he puts dishes away he puts them in the wrong place
• He ruined a plastic bowl trying to cook popcorn in it??!!
• He leaves the toilet door open
• He's starting to leave the toilet seat up - never used to be an issue, but when you are a guest in a girly house, you leave things as you find them!!
• Dodgy innuendos
• Tea is cooked later than I like - I'm going to have to talk to him about this one for when school is back.
• he doesn't offer to do anything,
  

and i already mentioned he pisses me off. mostly this is the conversational thing. Last night he's talking about relationships and how he would like to find a girl who isn't mental and doesn't have 'father issues'. I suggested that perhaps he look into why he attracted girls like that, and maybe the problems weren't all one sided. Then he said something about when we were together, and ended up asking what he did wrong then. I wasn't going there. I told him no, I wasn't going to tell him as it wouldn't change anything, fix anything and all he would do is make excuses.
I honestly don't think he has any idea of how much he hurt me, all the bull shit he put me through, all the bull shit lies - which it appears he still believes and hangs onto. The emotional manipulation is what hurt the most, and i was not in a place (with a new baby) to go anywhere, emotionally or physically. Even now, dealing with him I have to juggle my needs with what is best for our daughter, so although he might just look at the next few weeks, I look at how things will pan out over the next few months.

When i was with my last boyfriend, my ex told me he was a "loser" turns out he was right. Now, he asks me if I'll believe him next time. I said no. I'd listen to heaps of my other friends. he wanted to know why. I didn't have the right words but said it was something to do with him having a vested interest and me not trusting him. Not that i think he wants to get back with me, but more because of our daughter and any man that comes in to my life, is automatically in our girl's , and therefore in his. What i chose not to tell him, is that i dont think he is very smart and why would I trust a stupid person with my life?
I actually have many many reasons for not trusting his opinion of people and most of them come down to the fact that I feel like he fucked my life over once, I'm not letting him have direct control over doing it again.

He has learnt some stuff, and to a 7 year old he will seem pretty smart - he knows some facts about animals and world stuff etc - factual things, but really he's a dumb arse. Example? We talked one night about us having shared custody, (which is fine by me so long as expenses are actually shared) however, he wants to work in town, central Wellington, and therefore he wants to live near work. Seems very fair and reasonable, until you look at the cost of renting a 2 bedroom place in town. then factor in getting your kid to school - which is a 20minute drive north (on the motorway) and he has no car or licence, and if he did, renting space for your car in town will add probably another $50 a week to your rent.
And he will be looking for work in hospitality - nights. I'm not sure how much barmen earn, but I dont see shared care happening for a few years unless he wins lotto! But not my place to point any of this out to him.

Today I am going to the RHBs! ooo yeah!!!

an extra mouth but not quite what I want

I am currently feeding an extra mouth, and I'm not happy about it.

I now REALLY want to have a man around so he can deal with these icky things I don't want to. - this is the reason people hook up isn't it??

There is a mouse in my house, and according to my mother, they come in pairs. ew ew ew ew ew!!

I have laid down poison, which is being munched on (mwhahahaha), however the poison apparently takes about a week to take effect. I also have 2 traps, and the mouse (oh please let there be only one) just takes the food I leave there and runs! bastard! now however, i do know that they like to eat: short sweet pastry and apple. I am now trying peanut butter, apparently they like this... but i'm worried the damn mice will just lick it off and escape my trap. On the plus side, i am feeling less icky about picking up a dead mouse to throw away.

oh and in other news, I've decided to find myself a new man. by this I mean, that while optimally I would like to have someone who actually wants my amazingness around him all the time, until then I am going to find a new casual shag. My current one isn't working out for me. I think this is because while he is fine when ever HE wants some, if it's me who wants it, it just doesn't seem to be convenient. and that sucks. so no more.

The Price of an Enjoyable Shag

Firstly let me explain my title today... I have come to realise that sometimes an "enjoyable shag", does not necessarily mean a "good shag". I know several people who are great shags but given their personality, means they are not altogether an enjoyable shag. And often the "enjoyable shag" is not all about the actual art of fornication, but also other mitigating circumstances. (which i can't be bothered detailing).

Years ago, when I was a young first year university student, I had a 'friend' who lived in Brighton, and one night he decided to pop over to see me (I lived on Ilam Rd, Riccarton) about 45min drive away. He took a taxi $40 worth (in 1994) and after a couple of hours, he took a Taxi home again. that is an $80 round trip!! Don't get me wrong I'm worth it, but for a panel beater to spend that kind of dosh for one evening was kind of extravagant (IMO).

Now however, I'm looking at the price of airfares... pretty much for the same reason, and at $49 each way... it does seem like a viable option - not that i have discussed this with the person of whom I think of as "enjoyable shag" - although to book in a shag in March or April, seems a little on the nose. after all this is like saying "look, you'll still be single in a few months, so will I... how about it?" and we're both attractive people... we could meet someone... it's possible, and if tickets were bought, it would almost be definite. Investment in my future?

OK, so maybe I'm thinking it's a good idea so there is no way I could commit to anyone in the months preceding...(not that i have anyone in the horizon to commit to)... Hi my name is Karen, and I'm a commitment phobic.

Controlling the Chaos - CtC

CtC has come about due to factors that happened just before Christmas.

1. my ex-hubby deciding to more to Wellington
2. another ex wanting me to contact him.

Since 1, happened before 2, I was ok with this, and moderately happy to see how it will all eventuate. It will be better for our daughter, and hopefully will mean I have a little more free time to socialise. I just need to remain strong and make sure that I'm not walked over and my needs are also heard.

2. this ex, is the jailbird-ex. He is MAJOR drama, and I really don't want to get involved again. I also dont need to get involved again. After speaking with some friends i actually met through him, and they are also choosing to avoid him, I feel a lot more at peace with this decision. Luckily - or perhaps fate just loves me this year - when i put the wrong cell number on my (NYB) New Year Bloke's LJ, he may have read it - I have already deleted the message with the right number - there is another connection with my NYB. damn that circle is far too small!! Fortunately NYB really dislikes jailbird-ex.

then the Steve thing. He's mentioned here:

Multiple Minor Failures!

He's someone i met through my work life and I like chatting with him, but know he's into some more serious-than-I-would-like-to-be S&M stuff. Since it is a bit more extreme than i want, and I find it a little scary, I have said no thanks.

In my past there have been a few different reasons of why I have done stuff, sometimes an opportunity has come up, and i've thought yes, lets give that a go! and other times, I have just let stuff happen to me, because i have made no decision at all.
Making no decision is how i got involved in the jailbird-ex fiasco, so from now, I am going to choose which fiascos I take on - hence Controlling the Chaos - or perhaps a little better - Choosing the Chaos.

Most of the rest of my life I have been playing it like it is a giant list of 'Things to Do'. I like lists, checking them off etc, and while I know i could excell I really only feel a need to pass, and in my day, a pass was 50%. I think i have managed to cram a fair bit into my life so far, and while i know i have a lot of life left to fill, i finally feel like I can be a bit more selective about what I fill it with. It's like i have the quantity, now let's find the quality.

on a less serious note... a ponderance: why is it that all the lesbians I know, look nothing like the hot blonde lesbians on Redtube????

New Post for the New Year

big thing this "New Year" business. I've often liked them, and have to admit to having high standards to how I bring in the latest one. I don't like being at home in bed snoozing (like last year). This time I was at a party snogging a bloke I probably wont see again for a couple of years. Much more my scene :)

Funny-ish story there too.
Couple of days before I left Welly, I left a message for the above bloke to text me, as I'd regard him a friend and wanted to know if he was attending this party or would I have to catch up with him over coffee another day, and I left my number on his LJ.
I was driving for my Chch hostess, and so decided I wouldn't be whipping back to his place for a quickie, instead suggested he text me (using the number from his LJ) the next afternoon for a "Booty-call" then we dropped him home at 3am (so I knew where he lived -mwahahaha).
The next day, hostess and I went out to lunch and upon our return I checked my emails and LJ, and checked the number I gave him, was correct - oopps! I put an extra digit in it. Reposted it, repremanded myself and resolved that it wasn't likely to happen at all. :(

then I started getting texts... not from him mind you, no, from old Dodgy Steve in Wellywood... asking if I wanted to have a 'session' - this used to mean weed, not with him though, while he would be my contact if I wanted some, he knows I don't smoke. then he sent me pics - one of a certain apendage (which i am way too much of a prude to spell out here) and then some pics of a motorbike (this probably had more of the affect he was after than the first one!) and a pic of a box of Viagara - he's not THAT old! but what ever!
Fortunatly, my Chch bloke, had then got my second message and started texting me, so I then ignored Steve and went calling. Good way to start the year :)

The following day as i was leaving Chch to head towards the big Wellywood the texts came again, first from my friend up here - with whom I occasionally engage, and then again from Steve. Luckily Driving gets me a thinking, and by the time I reached Kaikoura, I told Steve, thanks but no. I find the idea of these 'Sessions' a little scary, and this year's motto is "Control the Chaos"
By the time I was back home it was 3:30am and I unpacked, put washing on and went to bed!

the 3rd had me catching up with an engaging friend, :) watched DVDs tried to go to bed early and failed.
4th, picked up my sister from the airport, we did little all day which suited us both and i dropped her back at the airport yesterday at 4:30am, then went back home to bed. I managed to sort out a lot of stuff yesterday, some domestic chores, got my tooth tempoarily fixed, although it needs pulling and I need to get the cash for that. I have finished a couple of projects and today I will be doing more of that.

I need to explain more of this Controlling the Chaos and why... so I'll post it separate. cause i can.