There is a lot that goes on in my head

and not all of it is pretty.

Most of the time I twitter on about the more irrelevent head space happenings, they are the parts I like, therefore the parts I concentrate on.

At the moment a friend of mine is going through a break up, and I am reminded a little too well of the break up of my marriage. Now while I fully accept that this was for the best, I am better off divorced, it still hurt like fuck. I can take myself back to that time, and while the pain has been numbed slightly, it still leaves a hole. The worst day i think was when I went to visit some friends. I went round without my daughter, and spent an hour or so there. Some of the time I just cried, but I couldn't bring myself to say the words out loud. For ages they had very little idea of what was wrong, but they let me be me and I am grateful for that.

you know what? I can't put that pain into words. It's like a knife that was trust into me, and left there for days. Part of it was removed but there is a piece still there - I know it, causing damage probably and reminding me of the horribleness of that time. He might not have been worth it, but I did love him. Completely. I now wish I could find someone worthy to do it all again.

It's hard to watch my friend go through it all, I know there is nothing that can be said or done to make any of it better. Even if she did come back to him.