feel the fat and do it anyway

I'm feeling a bit chubbier than normal today, i know why it is, but i'm going to blame the packet of almond tim tams i demolished last night and the sluggishness I feel at work.

I had to get my computer at home fixed and everything reinstalled, now I have lost my wireless. I dunno, another reason I wish i had someone else to share my life with, this way i could say, "hey honey, how about you find my wireless and fix my computer, and I'll mow the lawns & do your washing"

Perhaps I need to improve my skill base, but i'm starting to feel ready to use the phrase "I'm too old for that/this shit"

Ch ch ch ch changes

I did it! something new, well actually i haven't 'done' much yet at all, other than sign up for speed dating.

Yes me, i am preparred to pay $70 for a night out, where i can actually meet a few people and have a few drinks - drinks & nibbles provided. Also if a guy is preparred to pay $70 also for a night out, then the likely hood of him having a job is high = potential.

online dating - can't do, randomly go out - useless, my male friends who I may consider a possibility - taken. if a friend set me up on a blind date - I'd go, but none of my friends dare - they say it's cause they don't know anyone suitable - whatever!

I'll just have to call on all the favours owed to me and cash in some babysitting time! this is assuming i get an invite to an actual event.

like a kitten with yarn

I have been distracted by an idea I can do nothing about until mid-August.

this is mean and unfair, as I operate much better (in my opinion) under pressure with very short time frames. Actually really I just go: 'what the fuck - let's do it!'

My friend John - problem in previous post - has recommended that when a mutual friend of ours gets back in the country - assuming he doesn't find a job where he is at the moment - I should try my luck. hmmmmmm really not sure. but it has distracted me.

firstly I have known said person -who I shall just call "Austin Powers" or "AP" due to his ability to get the girls, although none of us understand how - longer than I have known my ex husband, infact I was shagging him, just before I got together with said husband. This husband was the reason I stopped shagging him - a good reason I thought at the time.

Since then, we have hooked up a couple of time (after separation of course) but nothing came of anything.

He does intrigue me - probably due to the fact that I don't understand why he causes a reaction in me at all! He is quiet, fairly shy, intellectual, and all this unnerves me. He also has numerous interests which I can only share on a very light basis.

Still they say opposites attract.

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

before I begin an update on the previous: nope havn't heard from him.

Things I believe happen in incidents or 3's. Friday I broke my computer - seriously in a way that doesn't even make me feel satisfied... like if I threw it down stairs... nope, i was dumb, and downloaded software that made it work too hard and basically it has had a stroke. I'd do a system restore if I could get into any program... or if SOMEONE showed me how to do it with DOS (or if it is even possible).

Saturday (i was feeling sorry for myself - this is my first excuse and I'm sticking to it) I invited a friend over for a roast and drinks, then i just told him i was picking him up - as he too was feeling sorry for himself.
I fed him, and then we watched a DVD while he lay over my knee (it sounds dodgy if you use the word 'lap' and at this point nothing dodgy was going on) I stroked his forehead - which we both found relaxing. *He has a GF who is out of town for a while - NOTHING is allowed to go on.

Then we went to bed - in PJ type attire, there were however cuddles - no kissing... on lips, nor any touching of personal body parts - ok so there were 2 incidents of boob gropeage, but it stopped about as quickly as it started. although it felt like the most erotic extended foreplay of my life. Added to that the whispers of what we would be doing IF allowed.

I am left feeling like the most evil temptress of them all.

My justification: I had another friend tell me he wishes I would "find a nice single guy to look after me" on Saturday afternoon, Mother's Day weekend was the first weekend as a mother I spent single after my husband left me & I'm a scorpio; all this equals 'horny, messed up, lonely woman'.
according to him: I'm too attractive, he hasn't had sex for months nor will he get any for another 6 or so weeks, he's also a scorpio, nothing happened.

if nothing happened - why am i blogging - oh yeah, cause I REALLY wanted something to happen... FYI: you can't actually will people to kiss you.

How come I never hear about this sort of thing happening to others? only me?(No, this is not the first time i have been in this situation) Is it my fear of commitment striving forth to ensure that I will not end up 'happily ever after' by putting myself in situations that I cannot have. See the candy, smell the candy, touch some of the candy - but no eating! I'd only get fat anyway.

or is this justification after the fact?

If you could help me with my computer - I'd be ever so thankful!