to improve 'our lot'.
simple really, after all aren't we always trying to better ourselves, our lives, our finances, health, love etc?
If we really accept what we have in life - is there any point in continuing? don't get me wrong, it's nice to take pause and enjoy what we have - just not for too long, or we get complacent and loose it all.
My problem is that if i sort out what i do want, and go after it but don't get it - that pisses me off. What a waste of time! where i could have been going after something i would get - but what the hell is that? and do i want it?
Ok so it's true, i want what i can't have. so where does that leave me? I've settled for less before, and i'm not doing it again.
Then again if i actually got what i want, what then? maintain - or drive further? actually this question is redundant given previous conclusions.
I know, melodramatic - but if it exists my brain here, i can cope in RL. at least that's my theory. And i have many theories - mostly based on logic, experience and with minimal research.
If i was going to have a production company - I'd call it "Winginit productions"
Saturday, 29 September 2007
Friday, 28 September 2007
The first
I know the reason... I haven't been eating enough veges recently and the melancholy is setting in.
Times like this i feel like my shattered self has been put together to look ok from afar, but there isn't enough glue in the middle drawer of my bedside unit to actually repair anything.
I am also being influenced too much into melancholy by my music, must change the cd in the car, and must stop thinking about people I can never have. The only problem is I don't really understand WHY i can't have them. this just makes me want to stamp my foot and pout.
My husband has decided he actually wants a divorce - he spelt it 'devorce' which irks me. i have no real problem with this as he is also prepared to pay for it - yah, but i do feel a like all men are abandoning me at the moment. perhaps i should be welcoming this feeling as this is my primary issue when it comes to relationships. I'd probably welcome it more if I was actually attracted to women - dont get me wrong, I'd rather look at a naked chick than a penis most days, but i'd rather play with dick than boobs.
we'll see what happens - roll on life!
Times like this i feel like my shattered self has been put together to look ok from afar, but there isn't enough glue in the middle drawer of my bedside unit to actually repair anything.
I am also being influenced too much into melancholy by my music, must change the cd in the car, and must stop thinking about people I can never have. The only problem is I don't really understand WHY i can't have them. this just makes me want to stamp my foot and pout.
My husband has decided he actually wants a divorce - he spelt it 'devorce' which irks me. i have no real problem with this as he is also prepared to pay for it - yah, but i do feel a like all men are abandoning me at the moment. perhaps i should be welcoming this feeling as this is my primary issue when it comes to relationships. I'd probably welcome it more if I was actually attracted to women - dont get me wrong, I'd rather look at a naked chick than a penis most days, but i'd rather play with dick than boobs.
we'll see what happens - roll on life!
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